'Tell me more': Activist Loretta Ross explores a new way to face disagreements

https://youtu.be/JT-jZkgCjjI?si=WOH3Y5LWE4OB9OFG

Tell me more': Activist Loretta Ross explores a new way to face disagreements

PBS NewsHour

Jul 24, 2025

Loretta Ross was once known for her fiery temper, shaped by more than 50 years on the front lines battling racism, sexism and sexual violence. At 71, she says she has come to understand there’s a more effective way to face disagreements. Judy Woodruff spoke with Ross about her method of turning tough conversations into productive ones. It’s part of her series, America at a Crossroads.

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Transcript

Geoff: As our national politics

grow increasingly polarized,

Judy woodruff explores one

approach to transforming

divisive conversations into

meaningful dialogue.

It is part of her series,

America at a crossroads.

>> I have been an activist since

I was 16 years old.

Judy: The Roger Ross --the Ross

was shaped by 50 years battling

racism, sexism, and sexual

violence.

>> But by the time I got to my

60's, I began to feel that how

we did the work was more

important than the issues we

worked on.

Judy: Ross, now 71, says she

came to understand there is a

more effective way to engage

people she disagrees with.

That realization is at the heart

of her new book, calling in, how

to start making change with

those he would rather cancel.

>> When you call people out,

that means you are intentionally

publicly blaming and shaming

them for something you think

they have done wrong and you

want to hold them accountable.

But the problem with the callout

is that instead of inviting them

into a conversation, you have

invited them into a fight.

When I started thinking about

calling in, I said we can

achieve accountability but we

don't have to be angry to do it.

I think I have had as many

blessings as I have had

obstacles in life.

Class a survivor of childhood

rape, Ross managed to channel

her trauma into a driving force

for her advocacy.

>> Because I have been through

so much as a child, I had to

make the decision that what I

have been through would not

determine what I would become.

I mean, I could not let the men

who committed incest against me

just make me a teenage

statistic, pregnant with no

options.

I just could not let these other

people's dirty fingerprints

determine who will Loretta Ross

was going to be.

When somebody told me I

couldn't, that fueled my passion

for I could.

Judy: In 1979 at just 25 years

old, Ross became the executive

director of Washington's D.C.

Rape crisis center where she

worked to support victims.

It was also there that she

experienced a pivotal moment

after receiving a letter from a

man in prison in Virginia just

south of Washington.

>> I got this letter from a man

called William fuller and his

letter basically said, I raped

women.

Inside, I raped men.

I would like to not be a rapist

anymore.

I swear, when I got that letter,

all I wanted to do was call him

out because we did not have

enough resources to help victims

and hear someone calling for

help? How dare you?

I went there to curse him out

and to say I told you so.

Everything that has happened to

you, you deserved, and I

reprocess what I went through

then and realized that this

rapist called me in because he

can see how afraid I was.

Judy: She says that they would

be a turning point.

>> I was only expecting one and

there were six of them but then

telling the story is what they

had been through and I started

hearing what they had been

through, they have become

victims before they became

violators and that just changed

everything I thought I knew

about rape -- rapists.

I'm not trying to excuse the

fact that they raped and

murdered women but I began to

understand the patterns that

they had been caught up in as

well as the patterns I had been

caught up in.

Judy: This led Ross to reflect

on what drives what's the

callout others, practices she

says entrenches existing beliefs

and deepens divisions.

Now a professor at Smith college

in Massachusetts, she teaches

courses on the subject here and

online.

I find a lot of the callout

culture is not driven by malice

but unhealed trauma and we feel

we have to hurt people to prove

we have been hurt which is not a

good way to walk through life

but that is the autopilot that a

lot of us are on and so I am

hoping that we can deal with our

traumas, deal with what we have

been through in more productive

ways.

Because it is not doing us any

good and it certainly is not

doing any good for the people

that we need to be in

relationship with.

>> She's concerned about how

national divisions have strained

relationships within families.

>> I'm trying to teach people,

don't go home and turn over the

Thanksgiving dinner table just

because they don't realize the

role of pilgrims and stuff like

that.

This is not how you do that.

And so the phrase I use is learn

how to handle your passion with

compassion.

But I believe you can say what

you mean and you can mean what

you say.

You just don't have to say it.

>> How would a conversation go

if you are talking to somebody

and you know they have been

speaking in a way that you think

is hurtful and harmful? What

would that sound like?

>> The most important three

words you can use in a

conversation is tell me more.

If you bring your honest sense

of inquiry, you can have a

conversation with anybody.

People love telling you about

themselves if you give them the

invitation and you are having a

conversation.

It is just that easy, really.

>> While it is sometimes easier

to practice this with family,

Ross says she came to see it as

a tool that could be used more

broadly to help people discover

common ground.

Judy: Before you wrote this

book, the books he wrote have

been about politics and about

issues and policy.

This is a different book.

What made you think that this

was something that you wanted to

get out there?

>> What is really bad about this

time is our opinions have become

our identities.

Now, we make enemies of people

who don't perfectly align with

us and that is why the callout

culture is so dangerous because

we take people who we largely

agree with and unnecessarily

make enemies out of them because

there's not that perfect

alignment.

Heaven help us if they are

really on the other side of the

break the divide, then we

demonize them.

>> If you think about what is

going on today, is one side or

the other, the right or the

left, that is more guilty of

this too much calling out? >>

The difference I think between

the right and the left is who

has the levers of power to

impose their prejudices on

others.

And what I have seen is that the

left can be mighty intolerant

but we have a tendency not to

weaponize the law and the police

against everybody we don't

tolerate.

We don't have a tendency as much

to ban books or say that human

beings are basically illegal.

We just do not take it that far.

>> Given how deeply polarized we

are right now in this country,

is this the kind of thing that

can make a difference? >> I work

on the assumption that most

people are capable of compassion

and being good.

It is just maybe they have a

very narrow circle for

compassion and kindness but I

also believe most people can be

encouraged to white in that same

circle because we do it for

strangers in an earthquake.

Can we do it with a neighbor who

has the rainbow flag?

We can actually have a sense of

shared need and shared values

even though we have different

solutions to the problems

sometimes.

>> For the pbs news hour, I am

Judy woodruff in northampton,

Massachusetts.

===

Loretta J. Ross: Don't call people out -- call them in | TED

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xw_720iQDss

TED

Aug 5, 2021

We live in a call-out culture, says activist and scholar Loretta J. Ross. You’re probably familiar with it: the public shaming and blaming, on social media and in real life, of people who may have done wrong and are being held accountable. In this bold, actionable talk, Ross gives us a toolkit for starting productive conversations instead of fights -- what she calls a “call-in culture” -- and shares strategies that help challenge wrongdoing while still creating space for growth, forgiveness and maybe even an unexpected friend. “Fighting hate should be fun,” Ross says. “It’s being a hater that sucks.”

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Transcript

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First of all, thank y'all for listening to me.

I come to y'all because most Black women don't go to Klu Klux Klan rallies

on purpose.

(Laughter)

I did because it was my job; I monitored hate groups.

But I really wanted to find out

how people could hate strangers so much.

Mostly, I wanted to work for peace and justice.

But fortunately for me,

my mentor at the time was the legendary civil rights leader Reverend C.T. Vivian,

who'd been an aide to Dr. Martin Luther King.

And C.T. used to say,

"When you ask people to give up hate,

then you need to be there for them when they do."

Now, at the time C.T. said those words,

I started muttering under my breath,

because you can't curse out a preacher, you know?

But his words didn't make any sense to me,

because if the Klan hated Black folks,

I was all right with hating them back.

Sounded OK to me.

But then something happened.

It became my job to help people who were leaving hate groups,

and then once I got to know them,

I couldn't hate them anymore.

And then I got confused.

I'm a survivor of racial violence, rape and incest,

and I needed to find another moral compass for my life's work.

And that compass had to shift from hate to love.

And so that improbable journey is why I'm here to talk to y'all today.

You know, because I really, really want to build a culture

and a world

that invites people in instead of pushing them out.

It's called a "calling-in culture."

Now, some people really do believe

that the only way to do human rights work is the way they want --

you know, my way or the highway.

But the problem is, when many different people think many different thoughts

and they move in the same direction,

that's a movement.

But when many different people think one thought,

and they move in the same direction,

that's a cult.

(Laughter)

And when you treat potential allies like enemies,

you're behaving like a cult,

not the human rights movement.

My friend Dázon Dixon Diallo, who’s a very smart woman,

says that she believes that calling in

will be to this digital age human rights movement of the 21st century

what nonviolence was to the civil rights movement in the 20th century:

a new way to understand how to truly achieve justice.

It's not a matter of what we do, but how we do it.

Now, all of us know what calling out is --

our "cancel culture," as it's called --

you think somebody has done something wrong,

you think they should be held accountable for it,

and you think they should be punished for it.

So one of those calling-out examples is, "I can't believe you just said that.

You're racist, sexist, toxic, manipulative."

With this approach, you've guaranteed one thing:

with this blaming and shaming,

you just invited them to a fight, not a conversation,

because you're publicly humiliating them.

Now, some people actually think call-outs should be used

to hold powerful people accountable,

and there's a lot to that.

I mean, that's what the human rights movement has always done.

But most people are calling others out out of fear.

Or they're feeling that they need to belong to something.

And some people think that they'll feel better about themselves

if they put somebody else down.

And then there's too many people, in my opinion,

who think that they can become famous by defaming somebody else.

Most of us want all of this violence to stop,

but we don't know where to begin.

And most of us stay silent

because we're afraid that we'll become the next target.

So even if something feels unfair,

we're silent.

And if you're unlucky enough to have something that you regretted

captured on cell phone or in a tweet,

you're walking around with an unexploded gotcha bomb

just waiting to blow up your life or your career

or your reputation.

I guess I need to ask:

How many of us here have done something in our past

that could come back to haunt us?

One of my students once said,

"A call-out is not an invitation for growth.

It's the expectation that you've already grown."

This is the culture we're trapped in now.

On the other hand,

there is calling in.

"Calling in" is a phrase invented by Loan Tran,

and basically, a call-in is a call-out done with love.

So when you think somebody has done something wrong

and you want to hold them accountable,

you don't react with anger or hate.

You just remain calm and look at them and say --

and you can do this online and in person, too --

but you just look at them calmly, and you tell them,

"That's an interesting viewpoint.

Tell me more."

With that, you've invited them into a conversation

instead of a fight.

And you don't have to agree with somebody to offer them loving attention.

All you're admitting at that moment

is that there's a possibility that they're as complicated as you are.

And everybody deserves to be heard and to be respected.

And if you use this call-in practice like I’m teaching,

what you'll do is several things.

First of all, you'll lead with love instead of anger

and allow somebody else to grow.

Secondly, it'll affirm your own inner empathy

and your compassion,

and you'll feel so good about yourself when you learn that you can grow, too,

in embracing and inviting more people into the world.

And then the third thing is that you can call in your friends, your families,

your neighbors, your coworkers,

all the people you might have given up on in the past

because of how they've hurt you.

Now, if you're going to embrace this calling-in practice,

you need some preparation.

It begins with self-assessment.

First of all, you need to know your motives.

Why are you choosing to call somebody in or out?

Are you in a healed enough space

for somebody else's feelings?

If you're not, maybe you're not ready to do the calling in yet.

But still, you have those options.

And I've taught these tactics to eighth-graders, to college students,

to C-suite executives.

And as I said, they all feel better about themselves

for reaffirming their optimism

and their hope that they can make a difference in the world.

This is so, so important.

And so, if you're not really ready to invest in somebody else's growth

with a call-in,

or you don't want the inevitable fight if you call them out,

there actually is a third option.

You can call on them to be a better person.

And this was a phrase created by Sonya Renee Taylor.

My favorite calling-on response

is to look the person dead in the eye,

cock my head to the side, like I really care,

and say, "I beg your pardon."

And then I wait.

Many times, they'll start walking back their words

just because I'm looking at them like they lost their minds.

(Laughter)

We can use this calling-in, calling-out, calling-on approach

as part of the spectrum of responses we can make to each other,

and that's so, so important.

One time -- let me put it this way --

one time, I misgendered a student in my class.

And I froze in shame because I expected the student to jump down my throat,

because misgendering somebody is a really big deal nowadays.

And instead, this student looked at me and offered me grace by saying,

"Oh, that's all right, professor. I misgender myself sometimes."

(Laughter)

An 18-year-old. Showing me grace.

Now, I believe that one of the most effective expressions of calling-in

is forgiveness.

And the most powerful example of radical forgiveness I've ever seen

happened after the 2015 church massacre in Charleston, South Carolina,

where nine people were killed.

And one of the victim’s sons, Chris Singleton,

offered his mother's killer -- I mean, his mother's killer -- forgiveness.

And I can't get his words exactly right, but Chris basically said,

"Forgiveness is more powerful than people realize,

because it lifts all of this stuff off of you.

It's freedom -- freedom from revenge,

freedom from anger,

freedom from hatred."

Sadly, he was called out for saying that.

I believe that it's very possible to use these strategies,

so I'm going to tell you about my Uncle Frank.

He ain’t really my uncle but, you know,

he's still living so I can't call him out.

Anyway.

He came to a family reunion

and decided to talk about Mexican Americans stealing jobs.

And everybody had been chatting and eating quite happily

till his racism silenced the room.

Most people buried their faces in their plate,

because this was Uncle Frank.

This is what he does.

But I decided to respond, but not with anger.

I kind of organized a few comments and asked him a question.

"Uncle Frank, I know you.

I love you.

I respect you.

And what I know about you is that you'd run into a burning building

and save somebody if you could.

And you wouldn't care what race that person is,

you wouldn't care whether they were gay or an immigrant.

So, Uncle Frank, that's the man I love and respect.

So tell me: How can I reconcile that good Uncle Frank that I know you are

with the words that just came out of your mouth?"

You haven't called him in. You haven't called him out.

You called on him to decide how he's going to be.

And with this approach, he's less likely to become defensive,

because you haven't actually attacked him.

And while he's organizing what to say,

you've affirmed that he has options about how he wants to be,

especially in his niece's eyes and his family's eyes.

But most importantly, the third thing you've achieved

is that you did not let his bigotry go unchallenged,

and that was witnessed by the entire family:

how you stand up to bigotry at a family reunion

without hate, argument and throwing over the table.

Now, anybody can learn these tactics, as I've said,

and we really need to understand that we can offer people forgiveness

and a chance to redeem themselves from their mistakes.

Somebody gave us a chance to grow,

and we can offer that to others.

So I invite you to join me in this calling-in culture,

this calling-in world that we're building.

I think you will have a lot of joy and satisfaction in it,

like I've found.

We don't actually risk anything,

because all we risk losing is our pain.

And then you'll learn the most powerful lesson I've learned

from five decades of being a social justice activist:

fighting hate should be fun.

(Laughter)

It's being a hater that sucks.

Thank y'all.

(Applause and cheers)

===

189 Comments

Add a comment...

@wlenore8071

1 year ago

This woman is super wise…wow! What a positive and insightful person!

16

@wherecanwestart

1 year ago

THIS is how humanity wakes up! This is how we stop the fighting, the siding, the hatred. This is how we find love for ourselves and each other. Take note my fellow human, this is how we make Peace on this Earth. If you’re reading this, I’m wishing you and your loved ones all so much love and happiness.

12

@revelationsoul

3 years ago

A TED talk so good, I watched it more than once. THIS is the kind of idea we need for humanity to progress.

182

@TealTurtleStudios

3 years ago

Giving someone the opportunity to choose their better self is the grace we all want, too.

160

@namontn

3 years ago

It was a pleasure assisting you at the hotel. I'm the bellman that had a conversation with you about smoking and the tragedy that you sadly experienced in life...you were very pleasant and I love your tedtalk! You are truly a woman of spirit! God bless you!!

69

@swyxTV

3 years ago

I love that in her example "calling on" her uncle to be a better person, she emphasized that she still stood up to the racism. Leading by example while still giving him room to rise to the occasion.

132

@marigold973

2 years ago

For over 20 years I've attempted to walk this message, even if stumbling at times. In environments where conversations were shutdown and people called out, I found it difficult to articulate the better way I knew was possible. I am so grateful for Ms. Ross and the wisdom she brings.

16

@PrinceEa

3 years ago

Love this so much ️️. One of the most powerful TED talks I’ve ever seen

108

@annathecreativeindividual3648

3 years ago

What Loretta J. Ross says here is truly inspirational and it got me thinking that maybe I should try using calling in instead of calling out in my own life. “Freedom from revenge. Freedom from anger. Freedom from hatred” - these words are what we need nowadays. Thank you for saying such a powerful words and sharing with everybody such an important message ️

77

@alex_la_fantastica1632

3 years ago

I want to be like her when I grow up. Great talk that we all should practice everyday and any day, we need more love and less judgement.

23

@hannahthufvesson

3 years ago

Loretta J. Ross, thank you! You have no idea how much your words meant to me - today, and all days.

14

@feitang4746

8 months ago

In the past three years, every time I’ve struggled with how to live in peace and love with people who hold radically different political views from mine, with someone who is a staunch racist or completely oppressive, I come here — to Loretta Ross, one of the wisest women the world should be listening to more. I find peace and love here. Every. Single. Time.

4

@MyOmaly

3 years ago

I would love to have a friend like Loretta! Her words are beautiful and necessary for my life, as I continue to learn how to be a better human. I watched this with my daughter, and now shared with friends and family.

7

@hanspeterqwe6620

3 years ago

I watch this video whenever I feel down. It's so comforting.

5

@centerforspirituallivingca6473

1 year ago

Thank you Ms. Ross! Powerful methods for shifting attitudes, one at a time. This is what the world needs to learn!

2

@TheDRMan

3 years ago

This is the kind of activism the world needs ️️

11

@ScottyNeally

1 year ago

I love the message . Calling in embodies the philosophy of using emotional intelligence to challenge someone’s thinking while not dismissing their thoughts. This is where growth happens

2

@Chrissyrozenot

3 years ago

Bless this woman. I love the call in culture.

23

@atomant830

2 years ago

This talk by Ms Ross is exactly the strategy that can and hopefully will reverse the polarization the country is dealing with today. Thank You Ms Ross.

3

@rossfamilydenver

2 years ago

I love this TED talk so much. Her delivery is so gentle and informative, and the strategy is an important way of being a social justice activist.

6

@ceciliaspears161

3 years ago

This is so beautifully done! This applies to so much when hate can be so prevalent. Thank you!!!

6

@Mannyg2319

3 years ago

“A call out isn’t an invitation for growth, it’s the expectation that you’ve already grown”

59

@DemasiadamenteStudios

3 years ago

We need more of this kind of voices. A call for love and understanding. God bless her.

14

@flyingdee

3 years ago

Preach Dr. Ross! What a united message. Thank you.

4

@ericdavey6702

1 year ago

Love Ted talks but this one opens something new in my brain and my heart. Thank you Loretta.

1

@tonio112003

3 years ago

Loved it so much had to watch it twice! Giving the opportunity to choose who he wants to be while you feel great through your own grace

6

@nuggetOflug

8 months ago

We need to hear this now more than ever. This is pure brilliance ️

1

@lovethatagave

1 year ago (edited)

I so enjoy listening to Ms. Ross. Just heard her on NPR and had to look her up. She is wonderful.

3

@Sophie-qi8ep

2 weeks ago

This is by far my most favorite TED talks ! Who is this lady

@donnahaynes8766

3 years ago

Thank you for this wisdom, Ms. Ross. Thank you even more for offering examples of what to do and how to do it. So many TED talks say "this is wrong" or "we should stop this" without giving ways to change or examples of what to do instead. Your talk was one of the most helpful I have heard thanks to your approach to teaching.

8

@Morticia147

3 years ago

A really great talk - what a message and how wonderful to hear something like that in such crazy times.

5

@lll.24601

2 years ago (edited)

I have a huge fear of being called out and calling out people, even if I made an mistake, and people have said I’m extremely remorseful. This helps me a lot! Thank you!!

1

@clearhope1092

3 years ago

Loretta J Ross Thank you for sharing this valuable wisdom with us! It really resonates with me, something I've been thinking about. We need to learn how to do this! God bless you!

7

@pmorgy1

3 years ago

What a wonderful way to be. To change hate to love. Thank you

4

@mud5377

3 years ago

Folks are so concerned with social approval they don't dare show compassion to those who believe differently than they do for fear of being labeled "one of them".

27

@LaQuesaDeMI

3 years ago

Everyone, I highly recommend her New York Times editorials on calling in. They are so inspiring and remind folks not to fight amongst those who actually have similar beliefs but aren’t ‘purists’

5

@Stretesky

3 years ago

Great video! Exercising healthier communication skills goes a long ways.

9

@jaywaxseyo

4 months ago

Calling In has changed my life! <3 <3 <3 Thanks Dr. Ross and your lovely team :)

@khsculpture

1 year ago

Scholar Loretta J. Ross is an inspiration

1

@courtneystuart-alban3142

2 years ago

Loretta J Ross is so wise and inspiring and this is an incredibly important topic.

1

@dchamberlain5071

3 years ago

I absolutely adore this message

5

@benitaadkins

5 months ago

Love this truly inspiring!

1

@yellowprpl2687

3 years ago

Love, forgiveness, wisdom all in one beautiful soul. Inspiring.

1

@donnalong7260

2 years ago

Thank you Loretta, you are so inspiring....

1

@ccrask6831

3 years ago

I shared this on social media, so many of my friends are at the wits end with friends, relatives. We do need leadership to regain mutual understanding, and reconciliation. The politics is profiting from division = very, very selfish and immature, terribly destructive.

1

@XantheMatychak

3 years ago

Yes! I took Prof. Ross' online course this past winter. So good.

1

@CarolineSaysStuff

1 year ago

What a powerful and inspiring message!! Thank you so much for sharing your wonderful wisdom, Ms. Ross. God bless you!! ️

@kristenpainter2380

3 years ago

Brilliant Talk. I sincerely hope millions of people view it. So needed. Powerful.

1

@TrueCrimeQueen

3 years ago

Love this content ️️️ Stay safe everyone

12

@CLEANDrumCovers

3 years ago

Amazing talk. More of this in our universities and our homes, please.

6

@bcshabnamfan

8 months ago

Currently watching this for a lesson; I'm not a fan of TED but this is extremely helpful for when someone bashes someone/something.

@seanferguson5460

3 years ago

God bless you, Sister Ross!

3

@HaiderAli-tw9js

3 years ago

Am great ful for this moment that I was able to listen to her till end. Best TED talk ️

1

@tobiaskurjata5083

3 years ago (edited)

I've noticed that TED has had to turn the comments off on many of their videos recently. I hope they see that this is the kind of video that didn't need that, and that they invite more speakers like this.

2

@mariopallenjr

3 years ago

Share that humanity sister. I try to offer it everywhere I go.

2

@ChrisTine-mf7cq

3 years ago

I love this talk! She’s brilliant.

3

@earlaweese

3 years ago

I’m going to call out abusive people. It’s impossible to call them in (I’ve tried that). That’s how it always works, actually; I start off by calling them in and then they always eventually resort to their abusive tactics and that’s when I call them out. It’s not the other way around.

8

@hennore

3 years ago

Exactly what the world needs to hear. Thank you Sister!

1

@Whatever-mx3bt

3 years ago

I get it, but also I don't owe haters niceties. Tried it for years, doesn't work with everyone. It's more about what words you use and how you word it rather than "we need to give them love". That might work for this organized group, as an individual I need to keep my vulnerabilities away from those who'd kill me for who I am.

14

@pattyyung

1 month ago

This is beautiful and so needed right now

@agypsyrover

3 years ago

Beautiful. Thank you

3

@kimmerriweather815

4 months ago

Some sociopaths walk among us and cannot be called in. If you insist on calling them in, do away with self-defense.

1

@MarcieMatthews

1 year ago

Just finished a two month online class through her website: Same material she provides during her college class at Smith in terms of lectures - workshops and lists of resources. 5 dollars. Do it!

1

@JonathanBerman-xp1vo

2 years ago

So spot on and so credible given Loretta's experience.

@mremf5893

3 years ago

This is so impressive! I’m glad I finally found the answer to the call out culture after wondering for so long. This video deserves more views.

1

@yurikasandyariateenciso6644

3 years ago

God bless her,a woman of wisdom and love

1

@terrynicholetti5035

2 years ago

I LOVE this message! It's what I've been trying to do but I didn't know what to call it. I'm looking for a way to connect with Professor Ross. Thank you!

2

@Brachypelmasmithi42

3 years ago

I love this, thank you for sharing your strength

2

@kathleenyohn6237

3 years ago

Thank you TED and Prof. Loretta J Ross!

@TheGuinever

2 years ago

I call people out when they're being mean, hostile and/or cruel. No elected official should keep his/her job based on their ability to bring out the absolute worst in their 'base.'. It's only in the last decade that crassness, ignorance, dishonesty and outright cruelty have become NORMALIZED. The Uncle Frank story is excellent. She DIDN'T attack him but I think she DID, very skillfully, call him out.

2

@juliekratz5860

3 years ago

===

Loretta Ross

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From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Loretta Ross
Ross in 2017
Born	Loretta June Ross August 16, 1953 (age 71) Temple, Texas, U.S.
Education	Howard University Agnes Scott College (BA) Emory University
Occupations	Feminist activist

Loretta J. Ross (born August 16, 1953) is an American academic, feminist, and activist who advocates for reproductive justice, especially among women of color. As an activist, Ross has written on reproductive justice activism and the history of African American women.^[1]

Early life and education

2013 sketch of a Dalkon Shield; Ross was one of the first women of color who won the lawsuit against A.H. Robbins for their defective IUD (intrauterine device).

Ross was born in Temple, Texas on August 16, 1953, the sixth of eight children in a blended family.^[1] Her father, who immigrated from Jamaica,^[2] was an Army weapons specialist and drill sergeant. He retired from the military in 1963, worked for the Post Office, and held odd jobs to support his family.^[1] Ross' mother worked as a domestic worker and owned a music store, but was a stay-at-home mother while Ross was growing up.^[1] For her primary education, Ross attended integrated schools: Army schools through second grade, then public schools. She was double-promoted in elementary grades and was an honors student in high school.^[1] Ross' grades were high and she received honors during her school years.^[1] She was driven to excel in school so that she could have a good job and not have to do housework like her mother.^[3]

In 1964, at age 11, Ross was raped by a stranger. Three years later, Ross was raped by her distant cousin. Abortion was not a legal option in 1969, and she got pregnant and gave birth to her son, Howard.^[1][3] Ross lost her scholarship from Radcliffe College of Harvard University when she decided to keep her son instead of placing for adoption.^[1] At age 16, she got pregnant again from consensual sex with her first boyfriend. However, abortion was legal in D.C and she was able to have a safe abortion.^[4]

In 1970, Ross attended Howard University for her tertiary education after being denied admission to Radcliffe after officials found out about her child.^[3] During her undergraduate career at Howard, she became actively involved in black nationalist politics,^[3] civil rights movements (feminism and antiracism),^[5] and tenant organizing.^[1] Ross joined a Marxist–Leninist discussion group called the D.C. Study Group, and the South Africa Support Project.^[1]

In 1976, at age 23, Ross experienced sterilization abuse when she was rendered sterile with the Dalkon Shield, an intrauterine device that was marketed despite being found to be defective. The device caused major negative health threats to its users,^[6] especially inflicting harm on African American and poor communities^{[citation needed]}. Loretta Ross received the Dalkon Shield at Howard University from a health clinic free of charge.^[4] This device caused her to develop a pelvic inflammatory disease which she endured for six months. During these six months, her concerns were brushed off. Clinic staff told her that her problem stemmed from a rare STD from having sex with GI soldiers that had come back from Vietnam. However, she did not know any GIs. After half a year of dealing with her disease brought on by Dalkon Shield, she developed a severe infection which resulted in a coma. Her life changed after waking up from the coma - the doctors had performed a total hysterectomy.^[4] Ross says that her doctor visited her after she had her operation and wrongly assumed that she would be happy to no longer need the usage of birth controls or deal with menstruation.^[7] Ross was among the first women of color to win the lawsuit against the manufacturer of Dalkon Shield, A.H. Robins^{[citation needed]}. This incident has influenced Ross tremendously. She became convinced that her sterilization was a form of population control due to the birth control being given for free at a historically black college, and became extremely vocal around issues regarding reproductive rights.^[4] Because of this experience, she found her passion advocating for reproductive justice and racial equality.^[1] In November 1980, the murder of her close friend and political ally, Yulanda Ward, became a turning point in Ross' life as an activist.^[2] Yulanda Ward was a cochairwoman of the District's City Wide Housing Coalition. Ward was mysteriously shot and killed in the midst of a street robbery.^[8] Ross has referred to this murder as a political assassination.^[1]

In 2007, Ross completed her bachelor's degree at Agnes Scott College.^[2] Under the direction of professor Elizabeth Hackett, Ross wrote Just Choices: Women of Color, Reproductive Health and Human Rights, her capstone Women's Studies independent study project at Agnes Scott.^[9] She is currently pursuing her PhD in Women's Studies at Emory University in Atlanta, Georgia.^[10]

In 2018, she was hired by Arizona State University to teach a 400-level course on Reproductive Justice, a topic on which she has co-authored three books.

In 2019 she joined the faculty of Smith College as a Visiting Associate Professor of the Study of Women & Gender.^[11]

Feminism and activism

Ross has stated that she believes the feminist movement has predominately been led by white women. These women have primarily put their focus on issues such as reproductive choice and abortion rights. Their focused agenda also includes equal pay, birth control access, voting rights, and more. However, this does not include issues that disproportionately affect minorities and women of color. Ross emphasizes social issues such as pervasive poverty and the mass incarceration of reproductive-aged people. She is passionate that these examples of racism be highlighted and targeted just as much as the other issues at hand. She also feels as though the fact that these issues aren't addressed is an example of racism in this country itself and demonstrates how deeply embedded it is into our country and its beliefs. These bouts of racism, she believes, are shown in both very obvious and apparent ways while others reveal themselves as microaggressions.^[4]

In 1977, Ross and a group of black and minority activists coined the term "women of color" at the National Women's Conference as a unifying term to address political and social issues.^[12] Through this, Ross was able to ensure that all minority women were included in the conversation without insensitivity. For a very long time, the term "colored" was used, and that word's association with racism in America was extremely unsettling and dehumanizing. Adding the phrase "women of color" into the rhetoric allowed for minorities, especially black women, to be respectfully discussed in the manner of reproductive justice without sparking any discomfort. The coining of this term expresses Ross's inclusive stance.

Driven by her personal experience as a survivor of sexual assault, in 1979, Ross became the third executive director of the D.C. Rape Crisis Center,^[13] the first rape crisis center that was primarily run by and geared toward providing resources for women of color.^[1] The Rape Crisis Center is an organization that aims to prepare stakeholders in the situation of sexual assault. This is performed through proper training that centers compassion, dignity, and respect.^[14] The Rape Crises Center is vocal about providing support no matter the demographic of the person seeking assistance, a principle that Ross has exhibited throughout her career.

In August 1980, Ross, accompanied by others from the DC Rape Crisis Center, organized the First National Conference on Third World Women and Violence in Washington, DC.^[15] This was the first conference that brought together women from different racial backgrounds, unifying the participants towards achieving the goal of cultivating a new, holistic network for people of color, both women and men, to advocate for anti-violence activism. There were concerns that not much work would be done because of the mixing of numerous different backgrounds, but because of the work done by Ross and others, the event proved to be a great success that allowed for different experiences to be heard and understood by others from various perspectives.

In 1985, the National Organization for Women (NOW) hired Ross to be the director of the Women of Color Programs to both improve participation by women of color in NOW, create coalitions with organizations focused on issues affecting women of color, and to respond to criticism by women of color who felt mainstream feminist organizations were ignoring issues of race and class.^[16] By hiring Ross, a strong voice in the reproductive justice community, they hoped to show their support of issues that are unique to women of color. This partnership allowed for the feminist movement to cross barriers that had not been acknowledged in the mainstream. Ross organized women of color delegations for the pro-choice marches NOW sponsored in 1986 and 1989, and organized the first national conference on Women of Color and Reproductive Rights in 1987.^[1]

Ross organized delegations for black women in pro-choice marches that were sponsored by NOW in 1986 and 1989. In response to the Supreme Court's Webster decision in 1989, Ross co-coordinated production of the pathbreaking statement "We Remember: African American Women Are For Reproductive Freedom."^[1] This popular brochure was successfully distributed over 250,000 copies.^[17] The pamphlet emphasizes the right to reproductive choice, especially for black women in America. It connects the history of anti-black racism and misogyny with the right to bodily autonomy, highlighting moments like the Jim Crow era.

As Program Director (1989–90) for the National Black Women's Health Project (now known as the Black Women's Health Imperative), she coordinated the first national conference of African American women for reproductive rights. From 1980 to 1988, she was a member of the D.C. Commission on Women. From 1991 to 1995, Ross was National Program Research Director for the Center for Democratic Renewal (formerly the National Anti-Klan Network), where she directed projects on right-wing organizations in South Africa, Klan and neo-Nazi involvement in anti-abortion violence, and human rights education in the U.S. CDR is a non-profit clearinghouse that provides information on hate groups which include the Ku Klux Klan and neo-Nazi movement. Ross managed the research and program departments and was the director of specific projects. These projects include human rights education in the U.S., right wing organizations in South Africa, and Klan and neo-Nazi involvement in anti-abortion violence. In addition to her activism in CDR, she produced their quarterly newsletter, The Monitor, as well as monthly intelligence reports on far right activities,The Activist Update.^[17] In 1996 she created the National Center for Human Rights Education, a training and resource center for grassroots activists aimed at applying a human rights analysis to injustices in the U.S. Active internationally, Ross is a founding member of the International Council of African Women and of the Network of East-West Women. She has been a regular participant in International Women and Health Meetings and helped organize the delegation of 1100 African American women to the International Conference on Population and Development in Cairo in 1984. She attended United Nations Women's Conferences in Copenhagen, Nairobi, and Beijing.^[1]

In 1997, with Luz Rodriguez and 14 others, Ross co-founded SisterSong Women of Color Reproductive Justice Collective^[18] which aims to build an effective network between individuals in advocating improvements within institutional policies that impact the reproductive lives of marginalized communities. Ross served as the National Coordinator for the SisterSong Women of Color Reproductive Justice Collective from 2005 until 2012.^[1] Some notable contributions of SisterSong include linking Black Lives Matter and reproductive justice, a billboard campaign that included a film titled Maafa 21, and the collaboration of Planned Parenthood with reproductive justice.^[18]

Ross was one of the African American women who first coined the term "reproductive justice," with the aim to frame the pursuit of reproductive justice using the social justice framework.^[3]

Ross acted as National Co-director for women of color^[1] of Washington, D.C.'s March for Women's Lives on April 25, 2004.^[19] She was the Founder and executive director of Atlanta, Georgia's National Center for Human Rights Education (NCHRE), the USA Partner of the Peoples' Decade of Human Rights Education from 1996 to 2004.^[19] NCHRE is a training center for activists and is based in Atlanta, Georgia.^[17] This organization prioritizes the education of grassroots organizations on topics such as human rights and legislation.^[20] Through this, the NCHRE aims to highlight the knowledge and resources that are available so they can be used and applied effectively. The organization's goal is to educate Americans about injustices that are often overlooked, promotes accountability, and addresses abuses of power and disenfranchisement. The NCHRE gives voices to those who may not have otherwise be heard, which is a goal of Ross' work.

Ross has testified on women's health and civil rights issues in many important settings including the UN, U.S. Congress, and the FDA. She has also made appearances on the talk shows: The Donahue Show, The Charlie Rose Show, and Good Morning America.^[17]

In 2022, Ross was named a MacArthur Fellow for her work as an advocate of Reproductive Justice and Human Rights in "shaping a visionary paradigm linking social justice, human rights, and reproductive justice."^[21]

Writing and teaching

Ross has published books on reproductive justice, as well as many articles on black women and abortion. In 2004, Ross co-authored Undivided Rights: Women of Color Organizing for Reproductive Justice,^[22] a book that uncovers the unrevealed history of the activism of women of color in organizing for reproductive justice. Ross contributed her insights in a chapter entitled "The Color of Choice" in Color of Violence: The INCITE! Anthology, which was published in 2016. Currently, Ross is working on her soon-to-be published book entitled Black Abortion that will focus on reproductive rights issues.^[3]

In 2014, Ross published an article on sterilization, tying it back to her own experience that had forced her own sterilization. Her article, Sterilization and Reproductive Oppression in Prisons, focuses on women prisoned in the state of California who are being illegally sterilized even forty years after sterilization abuse guidelines were put into place at both the federal and state level. Despite the illusion of the end of sterilization monstrosities, in 2006–2010 more than 116 females in California prisons were illegally sterilized via a form of birth control. They were forced to undergo tubal ligation during delivery and labor. Ross's article highlights over dozens of women from minority groups - prisoners of black, Latina, transgender, and indigent women who faced forced hysterectomies under abusive and illegal circumstances.^[7]

Ross served as a visiting associate professor in the Women's Studies department at Hampshire College for the 2017-2018 academic year, teaching a course called "White Supremacy in the Age of Trump."^[23] She also recently served as a Visiting Clinical Professor at Arizona State University in the School of Social Transformation teaching a 400-level course on Reproductive Justice. Ross is currently serving as both a visiting professor in the department of the Study of Women and Gender and as a consultant at Smith College, where she is drawing from her personal archives to expand the Sophia Smith Collection.^[24]

From 2017 to 2018, Ross was a visiting associate professor in the Women's Studies department at Hampshire College, teaching the course "White Supremacy in the Age of Trump."

Alongside Rickie Solinger, Ross co-authored Reproductive Justice: An Introduction, which details the field of reproductive justice, particularly in regards to experiences involving women of color and through a human rights analytical lens.^[25] Her most recent book, Radical Reproductive Justice was published by Feminist Press in 2017 and co-edited by Lynn Roberts, Erika Derkas, Whitney Peoples, and Pamela Bridgewater-Toure, discusses over two decades of works of SisterSong.^[26]

Recently Ross has spoken out against "call-out culture"^[27] and has written and released a book entitled Calling In: How to Start Making Change with Those You'd Rather Cancel.^[28][29] The book was due to be published in 2022, but was finally released in February 2025, by Simon & Schuster.^[30] In addition to her book, she has also published an article about finding cancel culture toxic. This article is titled I'm a Black Feminist. I Think Call-Out Culture Is Toxic. In her article, she touches on her own experiences with call-outs. She reveals that when she started in 1970, she found herself criticizing white women who did not understand black women. She points out the mistakes she made in expecting them to simply comprehend the experiences of women of color. Ross points out that call-outs can invoke fear of being targeted which tends to make people avoid conversations that could have been educational.^[31]

Since the beginning of the COVID-19 pandemic in 2020, Ross has provided online classes on her website, including "White Supremacy in the Age of Trump" and "Calling in the Calling Out Culture".^{[citation needed]}

Media appearances

Ross has appeared on the following North American television series and networks: NPR, CNN, BET, "Lead Story," Good Morning America, The Phil Donahue Show, Democracy Now!, "The Laura Flanders Show,"^[32] and "The Charlie Rose Show", Oprah Winfrey Radio, The New York Times, and the Los Angeles Times.^[33]

Ross was featured in the book "The Persuaders: At the Front Lines of the Fight for Hearts, Minds and Democracy" by Anand Giridharadas.^[34]

Awards and honors

^[35]

Honorary degrees

• Doctorate of Civil Law from Arcadia University (2003)^[19]
• Doctorate from Smith College (2013)^[1]

Selected awards

Source:^[19]

• Black Women's Health Imperative, Community Health Activist Award (2008)
• Delta Sigma Theta, Pinnacle Leadership Award (2008)
• International Black Women's Congress, Oni Award (2010)
• Women Helping Women, Revolutionary Award (2011)
• Foundation for Black Women's Wellness Legacy Award (2015)
• National Women's Health Network Barbara Seaman Award for Activism in Women's Health (2015)
• Woodhull Sexual Freedom Network, Vicky Award (2017)
• Robert Coles "Call of Service" Award, Phillips Brooks House Association at Harvard University (2022)
• MacArthur Foundation Fellow (2022)
• National Women's Hall of Fame inductee (2024) ^[36]

Works

• Calling In: How to Start Making Change with Those You'd Rather Cancel (2025), Simon and Schuster ISBN 978-1982190798
• Reproductive Justice: An Introduction (2017) Oakland, Calif.: University of California Press (with Rickie Solinger) ISBN 9780520288188
• Radical Reproductive Justice: Foundation, Theory, Practice, Critique (2017) New York: Feminist Press at the City University of New York. ISBN 9781558614376
• "The Color of Choice: White Supremacy and Reproductive Justice" in Color of Violence: The INCITE! Anthology (2016) Durham: Duke University Press. ISBN 9780822363057
• Undivided Rights: Women of Color Organizing for Reproductive Justice, 2004.
• Just Choices: Women of Color, Reproductive Health and Human Rights (2001) Decatur, Ga.: Agnes Scott College.
• Women's Watch: Violence in the Anti-Abortion Movement (1995) Atlanta, Ga.: Center for Democratic Renewal.

See also

• Black feminism

References

1.  "Collection: Loretta J. Ross papers | Smith College Finding Aids". findingaids.smith.edu. Retrieved 2020-06-12. This article incorporates text available under the CC BY 3.0 license.
2.  "Voices of Feminism Oral History Project: Narrators | Smith College Libraries". www.smith.edu. Retrieved 2018-03-07.
3.  "United States | Global Feminisms at the University of Michigan". globalfeminisms.umich.edu. Retrieved 2018-03-05.
4.  Starkey, Marian; Seager, John. "Loretta Ross: Reproductive Justice Pioneer". PopConnect. Archived from the original on April 6, 2018. Retrieved 2021-03-02.
5.  "Biographical Note on Loretta Ross". Sofia Smith Collection. Archived from the original on 2017-12-10. Retrieved 2018-03-07.
6.  Kolata, Gina (1987-12-06). "The Sad Legacy of the Dalkon Shield". The New York Times. ISSN 0362-4331. Retrieved 2018-03-05.
7.  "Eugenicists Never Retreat, They Just Regroup: Sterilization and Reproductive Oppression in Prisons". Rewire News Group. 12 June 2014. Retrieved 2021-03-02.
8.  Morgan, Thomas (1980-11-03). "Robbers Kill D.C. Housing Unit Leader". Washington Post. ISSN 0190-8286. Retrieved 2021-03-02.
9.  Ross, Loretta (2001). "Just Choices: women of color, Reproductive Health and Human Rights". Archived from the original on 2020-01-30.
10.  "Ross, Loretta J. | SpeakOut". www.speakoutnow.org. Archived from the original on 2018-03-08. Retrieved 2018-03-07.
11.  "Loretta J. Ross".
12.  Wade, Lisa. "Loretta Ross on the Phrase "Women of Color" - Sociological Images". The Society Pages. Retrieved 2020-09-21.
13.  "DCRCC | Welcome to DCRCC". dcrcc.org. Retrieved 2018-03-05.
14.  "Vision | DCRCC". Retrieved 2021-04-14.
15.  Thuma, Emily (2015). "Lessons in Self-Defense: Gender Violence, Racial Criminalization, and Anti-carceral Feminism". WSQ: Women's Studies Quarterly. 43 (3–4): 52–71. doi:10.1353/wsq.2015.0065. S2CID 85902313. Retrieved 2018-03-06.
16.  Nelson, Jennifer (Fall 2010). ""All this that has happened to me shouldn't happen to nobody else": Loretta Ross and the Women of Color Reproductive Freedom Movement of the 1980s". Journal of Women's History. 22 (3): 136–160. doi:10.1353/jowh.2010.0579. PMID 20857595. S2CID 23208449.
17.  "Loretta J. Ross: Biographical Note". www.pdhre.org. Archived from the original on May 2, 1999. Retrieved 2021-03-02.
18.  "Home – SisterSong, Inc". SisterSong, Inc. Retrieved 2018-03-06.
19.  "LorettaRoss.com – Biography". LorettaRoss.com. Archived from the original on 2018-03-27. Retrieved 2018-03-26.
20.  "PDHRE: The National Center for Human Rights Education (USA)". www.pdhre.org. Archived from the original on September 18, 2000. Retrieved 2021-04-14.
21.  "MacArthur Fellow". www.macfound.org. Retrieved 2022-10-06.
22.  Silliman, Jael; Fried, Marlene Gerber; Ross, Loretta; Gutiérrez, Elena (2016). Undivided Rights: Women of Color Organizing for Reproductive Justice. Haymarket Books. ISBN 978-1-60846-664-1.
23.  "Loretta Ross". www.hampshire.edu. Retrieved 2018-03-07.
24.  "Oral Histories | Smith College Libraries". www.smith.edu. Retrieved 2018-03-17.
25.  "Ross, Loretta J. | SpeakOut". www.speakoutnow.org. Archived from the original on 2018-03-08. Retrieved 2018-03-26.
26.  "Radical Reproductive Justice". Feminist Press. Retrieved 2019-10-23.
27.  Bennett, Jessica (2020-11-19). "What if Instead of Calling People Out, We Called Them In?". The New York Times. ISSN 0362-4331. Retrieved 2020-11-19.
28.  Ross, Loretta J. (2025). Calling In: How to Start Making Change with Those You'd Rather Cancel (1st ed.). New York: Simon & Schuster. ISBN 978-1-9821-9079-8.
29.  Ross, Loretta (2019-08-17). "Opinion | I'm a Black Feminist. I Think Call-Out Culture Is Toxic". The New York Times. ISSN 0362-4331. Retrieved 2020-06-12.
30.  "Calling in the Call Out Culture". University of Louisville. Retrieved 2021-01-23.
31.  Ross, Loretta (2019-08-17). "Opinion | I'm a Black Feminist. I Think Call-Out Culture Is Toxic. (Published 2019)". The New York Times. ISSN 0362-4331. Retrieved 2021-03-02.
32.  bright_rishi (2017-07-18). "Making Healthcare About People, Not Partisan Politics! The Laura Flanders Show". The Laura Flanders Show. Retrieved 2024-01-10.
33.  "Speaker Profile: LORETTA ROSS". Netroots Nation.
34.  "How to make room for the 'waking among the woke'". The Seattle Times. 2022-10-31. Retrieved 2024-01-25.
35.  Ross, Loretta. "Loretta J. Ross: What if we called people in, rather than calling them out?". NPR.org. TED Radio Hour. Retrieved 5 December 2021.
36.  "2024 Inductees | Women of the Hall".

External links

• Ross's webpage Archived 2018-03-10 at the Wayback Machine
• Loretta J. Ross Papers at the Sophia Smith Collection, Smith College Special Collections.
• Undivided Rights Book Project records at the Sophia Smith Collection, Smith College Special Collections.
• Her oral history is part of the Voices of Feminism Oral History Projects oral histories at the Sophia Smith Collection, Smith College Special Collections.
• Appearances on C-SPAN

===
Kindle  $22.99
Available instantly   Audiobook
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Calling In: How to Start Making Change with Those You'd Rather Cancel 

Paperback – 30 April 2025
by Loretta J Ross (Author)
4.8 4.8 out of 5 stars (36)
--

From a pioneering Black feminist and MacArthur “Genius” Fellow, an urgent and exhilarating memoir-manifesto-handbook about how to rein in the excesses of cancel culture so we can truly communicate and solve problems together.

In 1979, Loretta Ross was a single mother who’d had to drop out of Howard University. She was working at Washington, DC’s Rape Crisis Center when she got a letter from a man in prison saying he wanted to learn how to not be a rapist anymore. At first, she was furious. As a survivor of sexual violence, she wanted to write back pouring out her rage. But instead, she made a different choice, a choice to reject the response her trauma was pushing her towards, a choice that set her on the path towards developing a philosophy that would come to guide her whole career: rather than calling people out, try to call even your unlikeliest allies in. Hold them accountable—but do so with love.

Calling In is at once a handbook, a manifesto, and a memoir—because the power of Loretta Ross’s message comes from who she is and what she’s lived through. She’s a Black woman who’s deprogrammed white supremacists, a survivor who’s taught convicted rapists the principles of feminism. With stories from her five remarkable decades in activism, she vividly illustrates why calling people in—inviting them into conversation instead of conflict by focusing on your shared values over a desire for punishment—is the more strategic choice if you want to make real change. And she shows you how to do so, whether in the workplace, on a college campus, or in your living room.

Courageous, awe-inspiring, and blisteringly authentic, Calling In is a practical new solution from one of our country’s most extraordinary change-makers—one anyone can learn to use to transform frustrating and divisive conflicts that stand in the way of real connection with the people in your life.

===

Review

“A master class in constructive confrontation—and Loretta J. Ross is the ideal teacher, with profound insights about how to get through to others and maintain your own dignity along the way.”
—Adam Grant, #1 New York Times bestselling author of Think Again and host of the podcast Re:Thinking

“Calling in is far more crucial to human survival than calling out, and Loretta J. Ross has written a personal and political book that proves it! There is no one whose experience I would trust more.”
—Gloria Steinem

“A survival guide for American progressives. If you are on the left and want to make lasting change in our world, please read this book.”
—Amanda Ripley, New York Times bestselling author of High Conflict

“What a refreshing and necessary book. Loretta J. Ross has offered us an escape hatch here—with wisdom, experience, and integrity. We would all do well to follow her lead.”
—Abigail Disney, activist and philanthropist

"A rich and compelling narrative. Courageous, practi­cal and ultimately, very hopeful."
—BookPage (Starred Review)

"With humor and grace, Ross... offers advice on how to find harmony among those with diametrically opposing viewpoints."
—Booklist

“A highly recommended, necessary read for anyone who finds themself grating against those with different political beliefs. Ross’s book has plenty of potential for discussions and healing relations between friends and family and maybe even strangers.”
—Library Journal

About the Author

Loretta J. Ross is an activist, professor, and public intellectual. In her five decades in the human rights movement, she’s deprogramed white supremacists, taught convicted rapists the principles of feminism, and co-organized the second largest march on Washington (surpassed only by the 2017 Women’s March). The founder of the National Center for Human Rights Education and a cofounder of the SisterSong Women of Color Reproductive Justice Collective, her many accolades and honors include a 2022 MacArthur Fellowship and a 2024 induction into the National Women’s Hall of Fame. Today, Ross is an associate professor at Smith College in Northampton, Massachusetts, and the founder of LoRossta Consulting, with which she runs “Calling In” training sessions online and for organizations around the country.

===

rom other countries

• 

  Captain Kirk

  5.0 out of 5 stars inspiring

  Reviewed in France on 30 March 2025

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  At the same time practical, rich, profound and with a very broad perspective.
  Also the sharing of an intense personal story.
  Lots of references to inspiring figures known or less well known depending on your position, and who have plunged into the heart of the human soul.

  Report

  Translated from French by Amazon

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  Keith Kron

  5.0 out of 5 stars Strategies and Stories for Being a Better Human in Divisive Times

  Reviewed in the United States on 22 April 2025

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  Calling In is timely. In a time where coalitions are vital, Loretta Ross reminds us how important is to work with others even when there is not unanimous agreement, and how to be together when harm happens. Combining her rich lived experience, a willingness to be completely honest of both when she's called others in and when she's been called in and done both with care, the book is road map for bridging not only differences of opinions, but also differences in identity. Her life learning from her own imperfections, her own curiosity, her own understanding about working with others shines through as a tutorial for all of us. It reminds us we are better together than apart, and the real human work is how we are together with each other when these differences lead to inaction, when rifts surface, when pain is real. The book doesn't ask us to be perfect. Ross doesn't expect others to be perfect. It's a path on which we can be human together, even when it's hard. Loretta said this was supposed to be a book that was more academic and less autobiographical. Every academic can learn from her story. Loretta's stories and real life examples and learnings will make you smarter and wiser.

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  Cynthia Stumborg

  5.0 out of 5 stars Much needed teaching to heal the divide between victims and perpetrators.

  Reviewed in Canada on 22 July 2025

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  A great book to inspire acceptance while unifying the good in people.
  Supporting safety and holding space for healing, with effort to be respectful and compassionate in relationships
  where mistakes can be worked out with forgiveness and willingness to do the next right thing to aid healing. Being of service in love and gratitude supports others in need of healing. Everyone wins!

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  BookPrajna

  5.0 out of 5 stars Practical and Powerful

  Reviewed in the United States on 22 April 2025

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  I’m so impressed by Loretta Ross’ hard won wisdom and very glad that she shared it in this book. She weaves an intimate description of her personal hardships and challenges into her work toward changing some of our most difficult cultural problems. The best thing is that she’s very real and honest about her own emotions and mistakes along the way and how they were the compost that nourished her growth into a place of deep compassion and strength. That shift guides how she works with herself and others toward cultural change and seems to be what keeps her optimistic and joyful.
  
  She distills that into a framework that we all can use to decide in any given situation if we want to engage in calling in. That *deciding* part is one of the reasons I’ve found this so encouraging and useful because it includes respect for our own emotional state at the time and an analysis of whether or not calling in is appropriate. Ms. Ross discusses when calling in is the better strategy and when it is not. This really moves me to be braver and more open to engaging in conversations that I might otherwise avoid. Like Ms. Ross, I might make mistakes along the way, but I’ll grow from them.

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  Stacy L. Spencer

  5.0 out of 5 stars great tool for reconciliation

  Reviewed in the United States on 23 June 2025

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  This concept of calling in vs calling out helps you take relational intelligence to another level. I recommend this book for all those who are peacemakers and agitators for justice

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  Paul F. Baginski

  5.0 out of 5 stars Wisdom from a Lifetime Activist

  Reviewed in the United States on 22 April 2025

  Verified Purchase

  This was an exceptional book, in my view! Professor Ross had some of the most interesting observations I have come across, in regard to framing what we will need to be doing, to successfully work together for change. I ESPECIALLY liked the emphasis on the need for those of us on the left to do some soul-searching. I think that we often blame the political right exclusively for difficulties - not entirely without reason - but the idea that maybe we need to work on ourselves - that can be a difficult sell! But Professor Ross does a masterful job there!

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  RGilsdorf

  5.0 out of 5 stars Loretta Ross has used Calling In on Aryan Nations members - how tough is your gathering?

  Reviewed in the United States on 22 April 2025

  Verified Purchase

  If you've been wondering how to be part of the solution to our culture of contempt and cycles of outrage, this book is the roadmap for you! It's not just the detailed instructions (thought it contains those), or the theoretical foundations (yes, those are explained as well), but brilliant examples of Calling In in Loretta Ross' life. And, as I often say, if she has used these practices on Aryan Nations members and convicted rapists, how scary is your boardroom or holiday table? A must read!

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Jim Razinha

1,488 reviews88 followers

November 14, 2024

I read about poetry because I don’t understand poetry. I read Scott Adams’ Win Bigly because I don’t understand how someone can believe what he believes, and Hillbilly Elegy because I don’t understand how 2016 happened and two people told me it would help (it didn’t and spoiler alert: it makes less sense in 2024). So when I saw this on Edelweiss, I requested it so that I could learn about something else I have yet to understand - I can be civil and cordial with someone diametrically opposed to my core values (truly, because I have relatives and some acquaintances on the far wrong end of my continuum and we coexist…when we have to), but I need to know how to call in instead of out (I actually mostly do the calling out in my head). I need to know if it is something that can work for me. And, not the point of this book, I need to know if I actually need to do it. In the dark days coming, I don’t know it that is possible.

In addition to sharing her story, discoveries, lessons, and techniques for what she proposes, Ms. Ross includes references in her notes for us to drill deeper, though in my review copy they had yet to be finalized*.

This is very personal. She is candid with her trauma - a victim of abuse and rape - and when she went through: “By keeping my son, I became a teen mother, a statistic, predicted for failure in a judgmental society that always seemed to blame the girls, never our abusers.” (I would submit, not “society that seemed to blame”, rather just “society that blamed”. There is no seem and this hasn’t changed since 1969. With the proliferation of “social” media, the anti-social shaming might well be worse, if only more publicly wide-spread.)

With her anger: “For much of my life, I had no real trust or patience for others. I reacted with fear or domination, caring only about protecting myself. I would call out others at the drop of a hat-whether it was for a real insult or an honest mistake. I was a loaded shotgun looking for an excuse to pull the trigger.”

With how she came by both and how she learned to tame the anger. “And I had to learn to be different—to approach others with less anger and a little more love. That’s the simple definition: a call in is a call out done with love.” (What if me “calling out” is not done in anger? Simple pointing out a fact can provoke anger for sure, but is the mere calling out defined as anger? If so, I’ll respectfully disagree - not with her definition … that’s hers to make … but with the conjoining the action with an emotion that may not be present.)

She is candid with her failings and humble with her successes. She gives personal examples of what she teaches. And she acknowledges that some situations cannot be resolved by “calling in”. She says,

“I’ve created what I call the “5Cs”—a spectrum of accountability measures to help us figure out how to respond depending on the situation, whether by calling out (yes, I think call outs do have their uses, as I’ll discuss in chapter 2), canceling, calling in, calling on (asking people to do better, but without investing your time and energy in helping them to change), or calling it off.”

I admit a little confusion on some fronts. When she says “I picture “Calling In” as a practice of pulling folks back in who have strayed from us”, I think “strayed from us” implies some kind of relationship. If I call out someone(s) I do not know, and only “met” in the course of some pseudo-anonymous internet exchange responding to (what I rightly or wrongly deem as a) trolling… they have not strayed from me; they exist in their own world independent from me. And she says, “Calling in is not a better way to tell someone they are wrong. Its purpose is to create the conditions for differences of opinion to be heard, to allow facts to be ascertained, and to avoid ideological rigidity and political bullying.” I had training once to be a certified mediator (I never did go down that path, but it was included as part a year long management program) so this makes sense to me - but… mediation is a third party role and calling in seems to be a two party exercise.

“Some people may be skeptical about calling in. They may think it’s passive niceness, a lesson in turning the other cheek, when it’s really an organizing practice and a way of life.” I’m skeptical because of the toxicity that might prompt a calling in is a mountain to overcome, and the work to get past it has to be worth the effort.

She points her microscope at me and I’ll own it: “Sometimes our stubbornness about being right fulfills a psychological need and lowers our anxiety. We like poking holes in others’ thinking, resulting in a competition of who can criticize more.” Though for me, I do think it is more about poking holes; not necessarily criticism, rather critical thinking. (And unfortunately, when some of the holes are poked, the recipients too often resort to ad hominems and there is usually no coming back from that.) But I am stubborn and I continue to work on myself.

Tools to help: “If someone is shouting insults and rushing toward me, I’m not going to stick around to find out what else is going on in their life. I’m checking out of there! When imminent harm is on the table, that’s when our fight-or-flight mode is warranted. But if the situation is calmer—if everyone is keeping their hands to themselves, even if voices are raised—then we can assess harm and intent more deliberately. I’ll ask myself three questions to gauge what’s going on: (1) Have I or someone else been wronged in this situation? (2) Have I been wronged intentionally? (3) And am I certain that it was intentional and not a result of ignorance, stupidity, or miscommunication?

If I answer yes to all three questions, then I’m in a situation where a call out is warranted. But if my answer to any of them is no, then I will steer toward a call in, especially if I think there’s more than malice in play. That means there’s likely to be more below the surface, which might offer a path to understanding.”

This resonates in the wake of November 2024: “Anyone who asserts that the primary problem in our democracy is illiberalism on the left—anyone who considers us “illiberal liberals”—seems not to have noticed that the bullets of political violence in our society nearly always travel from the right to the left.”

Bottom line, I have much to consider and as always, more to learn.

* Page numbers had yet to be assigned. And the reference notes are of the form that are not cited in the body text, a form I do not like because the reader doesn't know to look for the references until the end (or guess that there might be a reference and go check, interrupting the reading flow) and then has to go back and find/reread the section to get the context. I know authors/publishers do this sometimes so as to not interrupt that flow, but a superscript is innocuous and it is an inconvenience and to me an annoyance to not be able to check a citation at the moment (and I have yet to find the term for the form. Anybody?)

Other curated notes (I have so many more and not enough room):

“We didn’t realize that being united was more important than being right. Our infighting took our eyes off our opponents. Instead of retreating, they regrouped.”
Every. Damn. Time. Dems are bad about that.

“But one of the most common criticisms of call outs—that they’re loud and disruptive—is a red herring. Courtesy isn’t a luxury valued by those who most need the power and protection of call outs. We rightfully resist demands that we be polite to our oppressors when voicing our outrage and apologize in the “right” tone. F that! We won’t calmly forgive them for wounds that won’t heal because the injuries have not stopped. There may be other grounds to object to call outs—but politeness ain’t it.”

And, this is also true: “To be clear, progressives are neither saints nor victims in the cancel wars.”

She observes “online cruelty can produce offline outcomes because the internet is real and so are the people harmed by it.” So true.

[on fighting allies who differ in approach, instead of enemies]
“When we attack problematic or unproven allies, we’re aiding the oppressors. If we want to win, we need to look beyond the fleeting power of the call out and understand how to call in.”
Dems eat their own. Repubs embrace all evils.

[movement vs cult]
“When many people have different ideas but move in the same direction, that’s a movement. When many people have the same idea and move in the same direction, that’s a cult. We are not building the human rights cult but the human rights movement. This requires learning not to pressure people into agreeing with us but learning how to persuade others into being with us.”

[an important distinction]
“This is the sense of possibility that calling in allows for but that calling out writes off. You should want to be surprised; and you should open the door to surprise—even from people you disagree with. That doesn’t mean being reckless; I got the hell off that mountaintop before sundown.”

Love it! I think I might add that last sentence to my glossary

“If you start a call in trying too hard to change someone else, most people can sniff that out a mile away. And no one wants to be lectured at—even in a patient tone. We can only consider changing and growing if we’re approached as equals. It’s important, then, to see calling in conversations as exchanges of perspectives. If a call in is going to be effective, we shouldn’t be heading in dead-set that we’re 100 percent correct and they’re 100 percent wrong.”

[the toxicity dividing families] “After Trump’s 2016 victory, one Reuters/Ipsos poll found that “16 percent of respondents said they had stopped communicating with a friend or family member because of the election,” as Joe Pinsker reported for the Atlantic. “Four years later, many such relationships are still in disrepair,” he wrote.”

It will be worse by an order of magnitude this time.

“Affirm students’ right to challenge authority; it reinforces their critical thinking skills. Children raised in strict doctrinal households have their critical thinking skills suppressed at an early age. They are discouraged from seeking facts that may challenge their beliefs. Growing up under these restrictions means that the brain structures that support critical thinking and logical reasoning don’t fully mature.”

“What wrongs should we be held to account for? Which do we seek to punish? Which do we forgive? How long do we hold on to grievances, and how early in life do we begin to hold people responsible? The answers are not and never will be set in stone. They change over time, as should be obvious in a country that was built on a tradition of liberty boarded over a tradition of genocide and slavery. We are constantly negotiating which wrongs are wrong.”

That last sentence.

“I've never been that terribly invested in hating white supremacists or misogynists or opponents of reproductive justice or other folks who piss me off. Fighting them was a mission, but I didn't emotionally invest in actively hating folks I didn't even know.”

I don’t invest much time in the hates I have. They aren’t worth it. But neither do I forget why I have those hates. Contrary to popular science and psycho-stuff, hating isn’t hurting me, it doesn’t consume me, I don’t need to forgive for me to feel better. They aren’t worth the time. But they serve as the cautionary tale in my life story that helps me place my trust where it should be placed (most common) and my distrust where it needs to be (far less common than you might surmise).

1-review-copies

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Steph | bookedinsaigon

1,485 reviews437 followers

February 18, 2025

Thank you to Simon & Schuster and NetGalley for the free e-ARC in exchange for an honest review

Do you want to make the world a better place, but feel like it’s impossible to do so? Do you want to have productive and eye-opening conversations with people at the other end of the political spectrum to show them why they’re supporting a system that ultimately harms them too, yet always find such attempts ending in shouting, accusations, thought-terminating clichés, or broken relationships?

If so, then add CALLING IN to your TBR. Ross has decades of experience dialoguing with white supremacists, racists, and more to build bridges with them and help them change. Written simply, practically, and empathetically, CALLING IN is an incredible resource that follows the steps of great thinkers like Paulo Freire and bell hooks, who believe that change is predicated upon having a great love for humanity.

To make her argument, Ross first lays out clearly why call-out culture is doomed to fail to reform the world. Call-out culture, she writes, may satisfy our instinctive psychological need to be right, but does not really create a safe space in which discomfort and differences of thought, which are necessary to grapple with on the path to change, are allowed. “Tribalism is still tribalism, whether Left or Right,” she says; essentialism is still essentialism.

This is not to say that all call-outs are bad. In fact, calling out is an important strategy to check those with power who are betraying those to whom they should have a responsibility of care. However, most of the time, call-outs are used on people who are much closer to ourselves in terms of thinking and social influence. Potential allies, if you will. As Ross writes:

“Call out culture treats people as competitors for justice rather than partners capable of uniting for a common goal.”

It is “born of an ‘under-reaction to abuse and overreaction to conflict’”. Instead of teaching love and forgiveness, call-out culture promotes unforgiveability, fear (of our past, of our flaws, etc), and mental/intellectual domination.

Ross invites us to look past black-and-white thinking and reflect on the extent to which a person can be an ally. She writes, “There is no one perfect way to be an ally, so we need to approach people with the generosity of radical love instead of scorn.” The battle we are in isn’t against others who are also oppressed under the yoke of hypercapitalism racist patriarchy. Think about it in the way that we would like to be treated for our mistakes. For we are human, and we will inevitably make mistakes. Wouldn’t we all rather be in a community that helps us see where we went wrong yet also gives us the grace and trust to learn?

Learning how to use call-ins is strategic. Ross describes the act of applying a call-in as requesting a “transitional demand” from a potential ally, one of the steps to your “optimal demand” (which is revolution, the dismantling of patriarchy/capitalism, etc). Fortunately, she gives us step-by-step instructions for how to do a call-in:

1. Start with the self.
2. Calibrate the conflict.
3. Approach with love.
4. Accept the reaction.
5. Reach a resolution.

Seems a little nebulous when I write it just like that, but for each step Ross goes into detail about what she means, what questions you can ask yourself/your audience, and all of the options you can have at each step.

Is learning how to call in instead of call out, and creating a call-in culture, easy? Definitely not. Even with Ross’ patience and clear explanations, I know that I will have to reread her book several times to absorb her lessons. It won’t be easy because our society rewards call-outs: think of social media, and the short and savage Tweets/Threads that go viral in hours, rather than relationships that take months, if not years, to develop, change, or heal. And yet I know that calling in is something I want to learn how to do, because it’s more aligned with my vision of a radical and loving future.

There are so many good quotes from the book, but I will leave you with these:

“No one can change without room to grow.”

“This is what calling in seeks to achieve. We seek to replace shame and fear with a sense of joy and purpose.”

Read CALLING IN.

[17 Jan 2025]

So compassionately and practically written. Should be a must-read for anyone who wishes to do activist work or reform the world. Full review to come.

best-of-25 black-african-lit favorites 

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Erin Matson

431 reviews11 followers

April 21, 2025

Progressive movement spaces can be joyful and wonderful, but also equally often, a fucking nightmare. People can be total assholes to one another and defame, destroy, or trash, as Jo Freeman referred to it in her 1976 essay for Ms. Magazine, “Trashing: The Dark Side of Sisterhood.”

If I’m being honest about it, I would be devastated if my daughter and her friends leaped into many of the spaces where I have done my activism and worked with their hearts and ideals on their sleeves. Because I know they, sweet souls, would be torn to shreds.

Call-out culture is out of control. It is at this point what I would consider to be a threat to democracy, for if those who claim they are most in favor of human rights at a time when a dictator is trying to take hold are more generally obsessed with slinging insults at one another for not being morally pure enough, then who will fight autocracy? And who will build a movement to fight autocracy with real people outside of the mud fight?

Loretta J. Ross is probably the only person in the world who could have written this book, this way, and with such devastating precision.

I read it in two days. Also, I would like 20 years of my life back. If only we had all embraced freedom of speech, diversity of thought, the messy journey toward building effective coalitions, where might we be now? But this is not a punitive feeling as I write this, it is actually an open and measured one. I am committed to encouraging my fellow progressives to grow thicker skins and discard the politics of perfection. Discomfort is not violence. Discomfort is where the real work happens.

The progressive movements owe Loretta J. Ross a debt of gratitude for doing this unpopular work of embracing imperfection and challenging the groupthink of what and who is problematic and conflated with violence (hint: everyone, if you look hard enough). This book and its brilliant ideas have the power to be referenced in a better, kinder, and more effective pursuit of justice for decades to come.

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daemyra, the realm's delight

1,222 reviews37 followers

July 2, 2025

I'm calling it. Calling In is one of my top reads of 2025!

This is a must for anyone struggling with the horseshoe effect: watching leftists go so far left they end up right. Because when you are building a movement, you require people but nobody wants to be made to feel ashamed or scared to make a mistake. Calling In is written for those who have participated in call out culture, whether that was on the internet or in real life, and are tired of the moral superiority and intellectual posturing. I really needed to read this: What calling in may look like.

This is part memoir, part great tips on self-awareness on assessing annoyance from harm, what strategies to employ, and what to do if you're the one being called in.

I can be picky with non-fictional books that oversell but this is exactly as promised. Each personal story goes well with each chapter's argument. It's clean writing. Engaging. Nothing sentimental or fluff. As I was reading this book, I would talk about it to people around me because some of the stories- whoa. From working with rapists in prison, feminists ignorant of intersectional issues in the workplace to high-ranking nazis... all of her examples made me really stop and think.

I also loved her stories and anecdotes in working with other women in the political space. From deciding to educate her boss on reproductive justice beyond abortion but forced sterilization instead of calling her out for not knowing about this issue, to witnessing a young woman criticize a body of white feminists about to give a huge grant to them only to "close ranks" on her and decline the grant...

Calling in is not about letting people disrespect you but assessing if it is worth a call out. We can be so quick to judge someone's mistake, whether intentional or unintentional, as an indictment of who they are at the core. Not knowing the correct language, is that worth calling someone out when you are trying to build coalitions?

Calling in works when you can do the inner work of understanding what's in the room, because it can be so easy for a lot of what Loretta Ross advocates for to be manipulated to suggest we shouldn't be so sensitive. It's not about being a nice girl to get along with everyone. It's not saying sacrifice your feelings for the greater good.

What Ross is saying is just discern. Don't immediately react because you feel powerful when you call someone out. Is it truly a harm or is it annoying? Will it be worth it to score a point? Is it worth the energy of fall-out and bickering? Are you forgetting your overall purpose? If you share 50-75% of the same values in how you want to see the world, is it worth flipping out over the details with them like they are your mortal enemy? If it's not a call out, how can it be addressed as a call in?

feminism-for-feminists-of-color race-and-racism

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J. Z. Kelley

178 reviews18 followers

January 22, 2025

I can’t tell if this works better as a memoir than it does as a how-to book or if I’m just autistic.

I loved the first four chapters of this book. The subtitle, “How to Start Making Change with Those You’d Rather Cancel,” immediately raised my hackles as someone who’s been a leftist on the internet, but Ross expected that. She’s upfront about how some callouts/cancellations are justified, and she’s not trying to sneak in any centrist propaganda about how “we can disagree on fundamental moral principles and still be friends”.

She’s just also spent enough time in offline leftist spaces to be exhausted by how we are constantly wasting our energy on people who agree with us about 90% of what matters.

I’d propose “How to Build a Coalition with People who Annoy You” or “How to Leave the Door Open for People to Surprise You, Maybe” as more accurate subtitles.

The theme of letting people surprise you is especially strong in the first four chapters of this book, which are the chapters in which Ross shares how she’s come to understand the practice of calling in and some examples of when calling in changed her life. She doesn’t propose that we leave the door open for bad actors to continue to harm us or suggest that mastering calling in will allow us to salvage every relationship. She just says that sometimes, when people say they want to do better, they actually follow through.

For Ross, this included Prisoners Against Rape, a group of men who had been convicted of rape and wanted to do better; a man fleeing the white supremacist group he’d helped build; members of her immediate family; and most importantly, herself.

The last four chapters are where Ross describes how to call someone in, and those are the chapters where she loses me a bit.

Chapter five says to start with yourself because it’s hard to have productive conversations if you’re tangled up in your own triggers. For this, she recommends talking to your support system, using your coping skills, and getting therapy. I think the IDEA of starting with yourself is a good one, but I do not think this chapter actually offers any helpful advice.

Chapter six is the actual “how to call someone in” chapter, which outlines the 5 steps (start with the self, calibrate the conflict, approach with love, accept the reaction, reach a resolution) and describes how Ross might use them to call in an attendee at a workshop she’s giving. I would have loved additional examples, especially examples that are more likely to actually apply to the average reader. A few worksheet pages with prompts to let readers write out their own version of a call-in would be especially helpful here.

Chapter seven fully disappeared from my memory overnight, but looking back, it basically just reaffirms that calling people in isn’t always the right option. Sometimes it’s better to say nothing; sometimes it’s better to call the person out. This chapter also has some information directed at managers and leaders about how to “create a culture of calling in” at work or in groups.

Chapter eight is the best of the second half. It describes what to do when you’re called in and what making amends actually looks like. Again, it would have really benefitted from more diverse examples and a few practice prompts.

Overall, I’m glad I read this book, but I don’t know that I learned anything about calling in from it. I did learn a lot about Ross, who I admire immensely.

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Hannah Searles

243 reviews6 followers

February 7, 2025

I think I was less than a quarter into this book when I first texted someone about this book telling them that they needed to read it, a process that was repeated multiple times throughout my reading experience. This was excellent and is something I'd consider required reading for all of us who are interested in making change and building bridges.

I actually had the privilege of listening to Loretta Ross as a guest lecturer my first year in college, where she now is a professor. Ross is a powerful public speaker, and I think this book illustrates why - because she not only talks the talk, she walks the walk. Part of this book is a memoir, and Ross has lived a colorful and often complicated and challenging life. She doesn't shy away from moments of ugliness or from sharing her own moments of shame. She doesn't just ask the reader to be vulnerable, she models it herself - and that's at the heart of the practice of calling in.

Calling out is easy, and it's satisfying as hell - but as Ross explains, it isn't a very effective mechanism for actually enacting change most of the time. When people feel attacked, they're not going to change their minds. Calling in is harder, and longer, and requires emotional vulnerability and bravery, but it's also a way to actually build bridges. One of the most interesting concepts I took away from this book was the idea of the 90%, 75%, 50%, 25%, and 0% circle. Ross explains that it's not reasonable or effective to expect people to agree 100% with you. However, there might be many people with whom you agree with on 90% of issues - start there. Find the ways that you are similar with someone, not the ways that you aren't. Don't start with people you have absolutely nothing in common with - you're not going to be productive there. Find your areas of overlap and build off of shared values.

One of the things that I most appreciate about this book is that it's not just theory but also provides real, practical frameworks and solutions. I walked away with multiple new ideas about how to have hard conversations. And I think that's something that so many of us need. The internet loves a witch hunt, and I'm just as guilty of enjoying the drama from the sidelines as the next person. But a witch hunt isn't what's going to save us. If we want to survive together, we NEED each other.

Timely, powerful, practical. I can't recommend this enough.

Thank you to the publisher and NetGalley for the eARC in exchange for my honest opinion.

arc

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Lynnie

98 reviews

July 3, 2025

“When we live up to our own values, we show other people what beautiful lives can be possible.”

Some REALLY important thinking here and well-articulated practical application. If you’ve been on the left for any amount of time, you know one of if not the biggest threat to left politics is the Left’s desperate urge to autocannibalize any part of itself in its sight line. The Left doesn’t have the monopoly on internal divisionist politics but it sure owns a lot of real estate over there.

Ross is giving a real antidote to conflict navigation and coming at it from the place of a person who has had to face genuine accountability for genuine acts of harm (embezzling, being a canceller, etc.), so she understands intimately what draws people closer and what pushes them away. As a rape survivor, she has worked with incarcerated rapists looking to amend and reroute their lives; as a black woman, she has worked with defecting/ed Klu Klux Klan members and white supremacists. She genuinely knows what she’s talking about.

I can tell from some of her narrative that she’s probably fallen a bit deeper into the Woke Trap than one ideally ought to go, but it hasn’t atrophied her compassion or critical thinking skills, so I can recommend especially this work here in good faith.

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As You Wish

690 reviews27 followers

July 4, 2025

This book is so necessary at this time and filled with great examples of calling people in, instead of less effectively calling them out.

jul-2025 non-fic

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AK Kerr

28 reviews1 follower

February 14, 2025

best nonfiction book i’ve read in a long time. loretta ross is a wealth of information and experience working in activism, reform, and transformative justice of so many different social issues.
i had to stop multiple times and just sit and process some of the ideas and how i can apply them in real life. i think we as a society would be better if we all read this.

while reading this, i was able to shift my bias and have a productive conversation with a zionist, and recognize how much more we have in common than not, as they are progressive in every other way. and instead of writing them off because of that, i was able to focus on the other 90% of things we align on and work towards a place of understanding rather than division and harm. she even hugged me and said she felt so heard and respected during the conversation, and i would NOT have had the energy to have that conversation without having tips from this book. highly highly recommend

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Shira

365 reviews142 followers

March 16, 2025

Calling In is part memoir part self help book focusing on how to approach difficult conversations with compassion. This was a very compelling and accessible read that I wish I could give to everyone before they get on social media (or any group setting to be honest).

I really appreciated how raw and honest the author got about her personal life. This book doesn't shy away from hard topics and forces you to sit in some uncomfortable truths and self reflect. I like the way this book is set up with first learning a little bit of the author's experiences with calling out vs. calling in and then stepping into actual tips on how to call someone in. Calling someone out can be a emotional reflex which isn't always going to be the way to build a viable community. "Calling in depends on the rigorous practice of self reflection and critical thinking."

I really appreciated this book and how much it taught me. This book will stick with you for the rest of your life.

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