They Called Us Exceptional book cover Prachi Gupta memoir Crown Publishing

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How do we understand ourselves when the story about who we are supposed to be is stronger than our sense of self? What do we stand to gain—and lose—by taking control of our narrative? These questions propel Prachi Gupta’s heartfelt memoir and can feel particularly fraught for immigrants and their children who live under immense pressure to belong in America. 

Prachi Gupta’s family embodied the American Dream: a doctor father and a nurturing mother who raised two high-achieving children with one foot in the Indian American community, the other in Pennsylvania’s white suburbia. But their belonging was predicated on a powerful myth: that Asian Americans have perfected the alchemy of middle-class life, raising tight-knit, ambitious families that are immune to hardship. Molding oneself to fit this perfect image often comes at a steep but hidden cost. In They Called Us Exceptional, Gupta articulates the dissonance, shame, and isolation of being upheld as an American success story while privately navigating traumas invisible to the outside world. 

Gupta addresses her mother throughout the book, weaving a deeply vulnerable personal narrative with history, postcolonial theory, and research on mental health, to show how she slowly made sense of her reality and freed herself emotionally and physically from the pervasive, reductive myth that had once defined her. But, tragically, the act that liberated Gupta was also the act that distanced her from those she loved most. By charting her family’s slow unraveling and her determination to break the cycle, Gupta shows how traditional notions of success keep us disconnected from ourselves and one another—and passionately argues why we must orient ourselves toward compassion over belonging.

Advance Praise for They Called Us Exceptional

A Most Anticipated Book of the Season by the New York Times, Boston Globe, Washington Post, Bustle; aBest Book of August” by Amazon.com

“[Gupta’s] startling candor and willingness to confront painful truths make this sing. Readers who’ve broken free from toxic family dynamics—or are hoping to do so—will want to check it out.”—Publisher’s Weekly (starred review)

“They Called Us Exceptional is a marvel: a searingly honest memoir that manages to be at once a scalding indictment, and a heartfelt love letter. In its descriptions of the struggle to live authentically across two cultures, Gupta’s book evokes W.E.B. Du Bois and Maxine Hong Kingston; in its exploration of how family psychopathology and cultural history entwine themselves across generations, it calls to mind Gabriel García Márquez and Salman Rushdie. And in telling the story of her family’s wrenching private travails behind the public successes, Gupta has proven herself exceptional in at least two regards—as a woman of formidable resilience and as a writer of outsized talent.” —Scott Stossel, national editor of the Atlantic and author of My Age of Anxiety

It’s not very often that the word “necessary” in a book review feels, well, necessary. And yet, more than perhaps any other book to come across my desk this year, I want to shout from the mountaintops and the depths of the sea — upward, downward, and everywhere in between — that you must read this book. Journalist Prachi Gupta has penned one of the most gripping blends of memoir and reporting, writing a book whose page-turning is compelled as much by masterful macro-level storytelling as by memoir. By turns angry and achingly vulnerable, They Called Us Exceptional indicts not only the assimilation myths of the United States, but the world of mental healthcare.” —Jina Moore Ngarambe, editor-in-chief of Guernica

“A heartfelt memoir of love and dysfunction, an indictment of the premium America places on exterior markers of success, and a careful exploration of the legacies of institutionalized racism, family illness, and constrictive ideals of gender.” —Booklist

“This searing debut grabbed me from the first page. I devoured it in less than 24 hours, unable to look away from Gupta’s powerful story of belonging and rejection, agony and achievement, and its stunning conclusion.” —Lindsay Powers, Amazon nonfiction and culture editor

“What happens when a person discovers that the American Dream is a virus? Gupta’s stunning and devastating debut contorts genre—existing as a disquisition on Asian American assimilation into the West, a bird’s-eye view of how patriarchy, capitalism, and white supremacy congealed to destroy a family, and a coming-of-age tale about a woman who had to fight to make space for her voice.” —Damon Young, Washington Post columnist and author of What Doesn’t Kill You Makes You Blacker

“I struggle to convey how important this memoir is, no matter what kind of family you come from. If you have ever disappointed your parents, struggled to understand your siblings, or been part of a family that couldn’t come to terms with mental health challenges, this book will speak to you. And after it does, call me, because this is one of those books that you read and then need to process as much as possible afterwards.” —Beth Ineson, Executive Director, New England Independent Booksellers Association

"I'm probably not the first person to use a word from the title to describe this book, and I won't be the last.  Exceptional is this intense tale of a family through the eyes of one who sees with balance. To be able to make sense of who we are and give ourselves permission to think and write critically about the families we come from is impossible for many people; we are all given a gift with Prachi Gupta's words, and we can give one back by reading and witnessing her truth." Kira Wizner, Merritt Books

“Gupta has written a memoir that is part olive branch and part reckoning. For readers interested in complicated, thoughtful and beautifully written family stories that explore the cost of the model-minority myth, this book is as good as it gets.”—Kelly Blewett, BookPage

Holding up to the light received ideas of success, and examining with boundless love the secrets and sorrows of one family, Prachi Gupta shows us the life-altering power of telling one's truth.” —Megha Majumdar, New York Times bestselling author of A Burning

“Gupta has penned a gripping memoir that considers immigrant aspirations and tribulations alongside the heavy generational trauma of an immigrant parent leaving behind the known and the loved. With grace and dexterity, Gupta bravely interrogates not only the obvious but also the seething emotional territory that lies just beneath . . . A remarkable book that is both lyrical and brave.” —Rafia Zakaria, author of Against White Feminism

“A memoir so honest and intimate, I felt I ought to look away. Gupta blasts through the imprisoning phrase Log kya kahenge—‘What will people say?’—and brings us into her life and her home with awe-inspiring courage, nuance, and intelligence.” —Diksha Basu, author of The Windfall