Aust, US, Canada: migrant & native experiences; Films: I am an adoptee from Eastern Social Welfare Society

I am an adoptee from Eastern Social Welfare Society

Lynelle Long shared a link.

15 November 2018

https://intercountryadopteevoices.com/…/what-adoptees-lose…/

INTERCOUNTRYADOPTEEVOICES.COM

What Adoptees Lose in Intercountry Adoption

Lynelle shares on why we should be rightfully angry about the loses in intercountry adoption.

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Minty Ryan smh

When I read articles like this, this is what I think:…See more

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22w

Edited
- Lynelle Long Minty Ryan I’m intrigued as to why u think this is about a “pity pot” .. u don’t have KADs who have been deported or don’t have citizenship? Or u think it’s ok that they don’t? Or are u angry to read about valid things in adoption that trigger ur anger? There’s nothing wrong with anger .. it’s a valid emotion.
  
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- Minty Ryan I know of zero adoptees that were deported from the USA or have problems with citizenship. If proper procedures had been followed to ensure they attained naturalization after adoption then it wouldn't be an issue. What kind of idiot screws that up?
  
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- Lynelle Long Minty Ryan lots of adoptive families screwed that up .. try reading this paper it shows u 14 Intercountry adoptees who have no citizenship thru no fault of their own!
  https://intercountryadopteevoices.com/.../citizenship.../
  INTERCOUNTRYADOPTEEVOICES.COM
  Citizenship should be guaranteed in Intercountry Adoption
  Citizenship should be guaranteed in Intercountry Adoption
  
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- Lynelle Long And unlike what u think, instead of sitting here in my pity pot, I’ve been actively helping my fellow adoptees fight for their right to citizenship .. https://intercountryadopteevoices.com/.../us-government.../
  INTERCOUNTRYADOPTEEVOICES.COM
  US Government Meetings
  US Government Meetings
  
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- Minty Ryan I don't feel bad for them one bit. If you apply for citizenship in another country there are clearly defined procedures one must take to become a citizen of said country. If the procedures weren't followed, that's the adoptive family's responsibility. Things don't magically happen because we want them to. You have to put in the effort to make sure things are taken care of properly.
  
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- Lynelle Long Yep we have adoptees like u thru out the world sadly ..
  
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- Minty Ryan "I hate that our original identities are ignored and get obliterated as if they don’t matter!"
  
  "I hate that we lose our birth culture, language, religion, heritage, customs, kin, community and country."
  
  "I hate that I had to endure racism and isolation in my community whilst growing up as a child."
  
  The reality is what it is. You can let it get you down or you can move your life in a positive direction. A few years ago one of my very good friends ran into a situation where he was jobless and nearly broke and homeless. I sat him down and explained to him that yes, his situation sucked. However, he worked his ass off for a year straight, found a good job and now travels around the world. He could have just sat around crying but he motived himself to take control of his life and move it in a positive direction. If you get deported, tough shit. Deal with it. make the best of the situation and move on.
  
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- Minty Ryan Lynelle Long I'm a high school drop out. I dealt with the cultural isolation and racism when I was younger. It could have gotten me down, but I made the conscious decision to make my life better. When I see middle class people crying about first world problems with all of their limbs intact and in general good health with their basic life needs met, it makes me sick to my stomach. There are people in way worse situations than you could ever imagine and they find a way to make the best of it.
  
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- Lynelle Long very pragmatic approach .. anyway nice chatting .. wishing u well but just remember some adoptees like validation as well as pragmatism and clearly u don’t know me or follow my blogs because I get the sense u have no idea what we do at ICAV ..
  
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https://intercountryadopteevoices.com/2018/11/15/what-adoptees-lose-in-adoption/?fbclid=IwAR1li_bnBRFsY-PmyDI9JN3OgtSn0xgwCmjVfSfok5M7_Gz97fgswPm6ZLI

NOVEMBER 15, 2018 BY LYNELLELONG
What Adoptees Lose in Intercountry Adoption

I normally tiptoe around adoption and never say the A word because people just don’t respond well to “adoptee anger“. But during the month of November, I feel it is appropriate to air my feelings on what I have anger about, in intercountry adoption.

I hate that our original identities are ignored and get obliterated as if they don’t matter! I’ve never seen my identity papers because they got “lost” in transit and no-one in government at my adoptive country end, nor my adoptive family, thought to go to the ends of the earth to locate them. Perhaps they thought it wouldn’t matter because I was given a “new” life and family – and that’s all I should ever need?!

I hate that we lose our birth culture, language, religion, heritage, customs, kin, community and country. I hate that these important facets of our identity are ignored and denied. As if they don’t matter because what I gained materially from my adoptive country is assumed to make up for all the losses?!

I hate that I had to endure racism and isolation in my community whilst growing up as a child. The shame of looking non-white, the inner hatred I developed as a result because I didn’t see myself mirrored anywhere. The phrase from my adoptive family, “We love you as one of us” showed how little they understood the impacts of intercountry adoption. They couldn’t recognise my journey was any different to theirs nor did they understand the profound impact this would have on me.

I hate that people assume all adoptive homes are awesome and when we get placed in not-so-positive adoptive homes, no-one checks on us, no-one stands up for us, often our story is not believed and/or invalidated, and no-one gives us a safe place to be nurtured, respected, or cared for. As a child I felt so vulnerable and alone. It was a terrible overwhelming feeling that left me in fight or flight responses for years, with scars to wear for the rest of my life.

I hate that we live in an age where a Government apology seems to be the latest fashion accessory but yet for those adopted via illegal or questionable means, we intercountry adoptees will never get closure. A true apology would mean firstly acknowledging the wrong, then a lifelong commitment to making amends including providing financial renumeration to reflect the pain we carry forever, along with the supports required to help us restore our mental well being; and lastly to make the necessary changes to never repeat the same mistakes again.

I hate that some of my adoptee friends adopted to the USA are living a gutted life because they have been deported back to their country of birth like common commodities, shipped in and out with ease, being treated as though they are of no real value and certainly with no choice. In the majority of cases, they were placed in adoptive homes that were very damaging and their lives spiralled out of control. Isn’t adoption meant to be about “permanency“?! This week in the news headlines, an intercountry adoptee in Australia is to be deported back to the Cook Islands. It is immoral and unethical to adopt a child from one country to another when it suits, through no choice of their own, and then be sent back to birth country because they fail to live up to being an adoption success story!

I hate that thousands of my intercountry adoptee friends in the USA are living in fear everyday because they are still not given automatic citizenship. They often have no social security and cannot leave the country for fear of being picked up by immigration officials. Isn’t adoption meant to provide a forever family … and permanency in a home and country?!

I feel this anger today because it is November and around the world, many use this month to celebrateadoption and promote awareness. For me, I don’t celebrate these aspects of adoption, they make me rightfully angry and more so, when I see my experience replicated in the lives of many around the world.

At ICAV, we believe in promoting awareness of the impacts of intercountry adoption ALL year round, not just in November.

I hope after reading this, you will all also be rightfully angry at the things intercountry adoptees LOSEbecause of our adoption.

My goal is to encourage adoptees to turn that rightful anger into an appropriate energy:
to educate the wider community and enhance a deeper understanding of the complexities involved in intercountry adoption;
to push for the much needed social, political, legal, and economic changes that cause inequality and leave many of our families with little choice;
to help prevent adoption where necessary by supporting family reunification initiatives and advocating for this in our birth countries;
and if adoption has to be the last resort, to help improve the way we conduct intercountry adoption such as changing it from our plenary system to simple adoptions; and supporting all triad members throughout the lifelong journey.

I also acknowledge there are many other less scarey emotions and thoughts we can talk about in intercountry adoption, but at ICAV, I like to raise awareness about the issues that don’t normally get aired.

There are plenty who speak of the positives in adoption … but not many who openly share the not-so-positive aspects. In speaking out, I aim to help balance out the discussions in intercountry and transracial adoption.